Separation anxiety is a really hard thing to cope with.
It affects everyone and can put a real shift in your day.
However, it doesn't have to, or it doesn't have to be as bad as you may be envisioning or experiencing it to be. There are a few things that we've found helpful over the years with our kiddos.
Whether it is leaving them for an hour to run to the grocery store, for the day to go to work or for an overnight sleepover at Grandma's there's some ways that you can make it easier on both you and your child.
The first tip I am going to give you is; try to stay calm I know it isn't easy because as parents it can be very anxiety provoking to leave our kids, especially during a pandemic when lots of us have been with us kids all of the time. However, kids can sense our anxiety and it can easily be displaced on them. They look to us to see how they should be reacting to situations and if they see or hear we are anxious about separating from them, they in turn will become anxious as well.
I also have some fun tricks and tools that we've found super helpful and I hope you will too.
Magical Necklaces
This is something that I would recommend for a school-aged child. It is a great coping tool for when they are transitioning to going to school as well. The idea of the magical necklaces (or any piece of jewelry that is appropriate or your child likes) is that you and your child have a matching set and when you both wear it, it becomes magical. Whenever your child misses you, or you miss them, you give your necklace a big squeeze and because it is so close to your heart, it will send magical powers or positive vibes to the other person so they know you are thinking of them. It keeps you connected throughout the day while you are apart and helps remind your child that you are always with them.
We got our matching necklaces from Jake and Jules a local jewelry maker in Hamilton. We've been using ours since I went back to work. I did get a necklace for Violet as well for when she is older however, will put that away until the time is right. For now, I use this set for Lily and I. They are matching heart shaped pendants (the girls are smaller and more appropriate for them). My pendant says all 3 of my kids names on it in the order they were born. Whenever I am missing them or having a tough day I hold on tight to my necklace and think of a funny memory of each of them to make me smile. Lily and Violet's pendants both say I (heart icon) u! These necklaces have been so helpful for Lily. Chris will send me photos throughout the day of Lily hugging her necklace and when I get home from work she asks me if I felt her magical hugs through my necklace.
2. Sharing a piece of clothing
This is a great idea for infants and up. You can snuggle a piece of clothing or a blanket that you can leave with your child when you go out so they always have your scent close. Knowing mommy and daddy snuggled an item can provide great comfort to a child. If you know you are going to be gone, take a blanket or piece of clothing to bed with you the night before, snuggle it throughout the night and then give it to your child before you go.
3. Stuffed animals
This is similar to the piece of clothing idea. You can snuggle a special stuffy and then give it to your child before you leave so they can find comfort in knowing that you cuddled it and it smells like you. You could also put some of your perfume on it for added scent. This is also a good one your child is experience separation anxiety from someone they don't see often like a grandparent or if they have to be away from a sibling for an extended period of time. You could purchase matching stuffies and then each child or the child and grandparent gets one. It is a cute gift for a child to give to a loved one that they aren't able to see often and a way for them to stay connected distantly. Then you could do zoom story times or tea parties with the grandparent (or loved one) and the stuffy every so often.
4. The Invisible String Book
This is a great book for helping kids understand that there is an invisible strong that keeps them connected to their loved ones no matter how far apart they may be. Books are a great tool for helping kids understand difficult concepts in a fun and age appropriate way.
5. Photographs
For me I carry a photograph with me of the 3 kids on my lanyard. Whenever I am missing them I have a photo on me to look at. You can also do this with kids. Put a photo of you in their backpack when they go to school or give them a small one to keep in their pocket. You could also get a small photo album from the dollar store and put some family photos in it for them to look at when they are missing you.
6. Good bye routine
Kids typically thrive when they have a routine. It helps them predict what comes next and provides them with a sense of comfort in knowing that. For us, I have a routine with the kids before I leave for work so they know exactly what to expect. When Lily gets up she likes to help me pack my lunch into my bag -- I think it helps her knowing that I have food while I am at work and that she is helping me get ready. Mason is usually up first so he knows that he gets some special 1 on 1 time with mommy before anyone else gets up. I give them a 5-10 minute warning before it will be time for me to leave. Each of them gets a big squeeze and a kiss from me before I go and then they watch me leave through the front window. Lily sometimes will ask me to send her a photo once I get to work, she likes to see that I am wearing my mask and safe. So if she asks, I make sure to snap a photo once I get to work and send it to Chris to show her.
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