Mom Guilt

Cassie Camara

Apr 10, 20194 min read

Updated: Apr 11, 2019

Mom Guilt is a real, awful, scary thing! I have always had a bit of mom guilt but felt pretty blessed that it isn't something that I experienced too often. However lately, my mom guilt is at an all time high. And to be honest, I absolutely hate this feeling. I feel down, frustrated, angry and sad. It is a roller coaster of emotions that never ends.

The mom guilt kicked in a week ago when I had my surgery. And to be honest, it's pretty much gotten worse since. I HATE that I am not able to take care of my kids like I always do. I have to rely on someone else for pretty much everything. I can't stand and rock my child to sleep, I can barely pick up my kids and carry them anywhere, getting down on the floor to play with them is almost impossible because I can't get back up without help, I can't bathe them and the list goes on. All I seem to be able to think about are the things that I can't do, and what I should be able to do as a mom.

Then I saw a post by a fellow mama @mom.break that has really kept me going when I feel at my worst. Erica from @mom.break started a discussion sharing where her feelings of mom guilt stem from and then asked other moms to do the same. After reading through this post, I realized I am not alone in how I am feeling. Then I saw how other women were building each other up on the post and turning that #momguilt into something positive. It really made me think about how we phrase things really impacts our life. If we choose to experience #momguilt and put the added pressure on ourselves to be "the perfect mom" that is on us.

REALITY CHECK! THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS THE PERFECT MOM! So I started reminding myself;

I am allowed to have a bad day

I am allowed to be scared and afraid

I am allowed to not play with my kids and not feel guilty about it

I am allowed to let my toddler watch as much TV as she wants if it helps get us through the day

I am allowed to feed my kids whatever I want, and hey whatever they want some days

I am allowed to say no to others, and yes to myself

and the hardest one for me,

I am allowed to ask for help!

The dreaded word HELP! It is like I see it as some sin or sign of desperation. This has been the hardest part for me is asking for help. The biggest reason is because I want to be able to do it on my own. I want to do everything on my own. Nothing kills me more than seeing someone else take care of my kids because no one does it like mama does. It breaks my heart lying in my bed hearing Mason cry knowing he needs mama's arms to comfort him and that I couldn't be that person for him. That Lily wants me to be jumping around having a silly dancing party but I have to tell her no. Or that Lily had to sleep away from home for 2 nights because I needed to rest after my surgery. Even though I knew she was having so much fun with my parents it killed me that she wasn't here with me.

Has it got easier to ask for help? Yes and no. I definitely have been asking more instead of waiting for the help to be offered. But I don't think it is easier. It still kills me inside doing it and I still hesitate every time. But I realized that in order for me to get back to myself I need the help. In order for me to run around, be silly, bathe my kids and be the 1st one in their rooms when they cry I have to rest and I have to ask for help. I have to push that mom guilt deep down inside and do it for my kids and for me. I need to be grateful that my situation is only temporary because there are other's out there who it way worse. I need to be positive for myself and for my family. So instead of focusing on the things I can't do. I am going to focus on what I can do and make the most of it;

I can cuddle all day on the couch with my kids and not feel guilty about it

I can lay in bed and paint Lily's nails

I can let Mason jump and crawl all over me and be silly

I can let my kids make a mess and not feel guilty for not cleaning it up

I can let my husband do more of the chores & help more with the kids

I can ask for help and know that isn't a sign of weakness

& so much more!

But ultimately, my kids, husband and I are happy, healthy and all together. And that is truly all that matters!