Since having Violet I've received a lot of messages from people asking me how we changed our bedtime routing for our kids. Especially because we only have 2 bedrooms for the kids and obviously 3 kiddos. This is something that really stressed me out during my pregnancy. Sleep wasn't something I got much of. Lily was co-sleeping with us still and Mason was waking up often throughout the night. Needless to say I wasn't excited about throwing a newborn in the mix and getting even less sleep.
However, I can tell you I've been pleasantly surprised and apparently it took me having 3 kids before I would ever get a full nights rest again. Now this doesn't happen every night but it's happening a lot more often than it used to that's for sure.
Now I am no expert. I can share our story and what has worked for us. But what I do find is that our sleep routine and schedule changes often because our kids are still growing and their routines are not going to always stay the same. So we have to adapt and embrace the chaos as we go. And I think that is one tip that I can share with you guys. The mores stressed out you are at bedtime, the more stressed and less likely your kids will be to cooperate. I know what parent isn't stressed at bedtime - they've had a long day of whining, crying, fighting and god knows what else throughout the day and we are ready to throw in the towel come bedtime. But, I have found the calmer I am - the calmer the kids are and that sometimes mean embracing the chaos that they are throwing at me that night.
I also feel like each of our kids are very different and have very different needs and sleep schedules so we've always kind of gone with the flow with each kid. Let them show us what they need and try to make it work as much as we can.
So let's start from the beginning with Lily.
Lily has been co-sleeping with us since she was around 1. Prior to that she wasn't' a great sleeper. Would sleep short periods of time in her crib but always wanted to be held and rocked while sleeping. She slept in our room with us until she was about 6 months old in her crib. Then when our living situation changed, she got her own room. She always woke up throughout the night and would need fed and rocked back to sleep. Around 1 when I returned to work Lily was waking a lot throughout the night and wasn't easily consoled. So we started co-sleeping at this point largely because I needed to sleep because I was working and she was sleeping so much better with us. When she was 2 we moved into a new home and thought if she got her own room and was able to help us design it that would maybe entice her to sleep in her own room - we also had Mason at this time who was a newborn. That wasn't the case. Lily still continued to co-sleep with us and we couldn't get her to go into her room. There is nothing wrong with co-sleeping. It is what works for us and I am okay with that. I would prefer she sleeps in her room but I know this time won't last forever so I am going to cherish this time with her.
When Mason came he slept in the bassinet in the playpen in our room for the 1st month because we were in the process of moving and we were waiting to setup his room until we moved. Once we moved he went right into his crib and he's loved it ever since! He's always been the type to fall asleep in his bed awake and not need to really be rocked or soothed to sleep. He stopped waking up in the middle of the night when he was around 18 months old - prior to that he had spurts where he would sleep through the night but usually he woke up 1-2 times. He has always been a lover of his crib and I think that's because we always put him in it for naps and bedtime awake and he would fall asleep on his own. It can make life difficult when we are out and he needs his nap but overall he's been a good sleeper.
Once we found out we were pregnant with Violet we needed to figure out a new plan because we only have 2 bedrooms for the kids. We decided to move Lily and Mason into the same room in hopes that they both sleep through the night and it would be better than a newborn waking them up constantly. That plan did not work well for us for a variety of reasons;
Lily was not happy about sharing a room with her brother. She was upset that she couldn't share a room with her sister and that her space was changing
Mason started giving us a hard time going to bed. What would normally take 10-15 minutes for him to fall asleep was starting to take an hour which was delaying Lily's bedtime
Lily ended up back in our bed co-sleeping because it was easier than delaying her bedtime to wait for Mason to fall asleep.
At first it wasn't' too bad. Mason would go to bed first and be asleep within 10-15 minutes. Then we would sneak in with Lily and get her settled in for the night. She always snuck into our room in the middle of the night but it didn't usually disturb her brother. Once Mason started giving us a hard time going to sleep this routine did not really work anymore. Lily started wanting to sleep with us more I think because she knew another baby was coming and wanted to be close to us and come on how do I say no to that.
Once we had Violet all routine went out the window. I had a c-section so I wasn't able to help much at bedtime and was tending to Violet most of the time which left Chris to tend to Lily and Mason. It was just easier for Lily to fall asleep in bed with me when I was feeding or getting Violet to sleep. Then once Violet started sleeping through the night (around 1 month old) we thought hey, lets move the girls into the same room. Eventually this was our plan anyways, Lily really wanted this and Violet was sleeping through the night. The worst case scenario Violet had a sleep regression and Lily ended up back in our bed because Violet was disrupting her. Mason sleeps much better now that he is in his own room again. He rarely wakes up throughout the night anymore.
Lily is still waking up throughout the night and sneaking into our room. Some nights she falls asleep in our bed and some nights we get her into her room for a bit before she ends up back in our bed. We are still working on figuring out what works best for us. Thankfully if she leaves her room it doesn't disrupt Violet and she is still sleeping through the night.
Right now this is what works best for us. Will this change, absolutely. I have no doubts. Our end goal is to have all 3 kids sleeping in their own beds and no co-sleeping. That isn't because we think there is anything wrong with co-sleeping. It is more so because we need our own space and time together as a couple.For now we will enjoy the extra cuddles and when the time comes and it is right for all of us everything will fall into place.
In the meantime here are a few things that we have found helped our kiddos sleep;
black out curtains. we have these in all the bedrooms and they work wonders! Especially right now when it is their bedtime and it is still very bright outside. I will say the best curtains we've got are the ones from Bouclair. We purchased 2 sets from Home Sense which in my opinion are more affordable but aren't as good quality as the Bouclair ones.
white noise machine - we use a Google Home in Mason's room and it is something that has always soothed him since he was about 6 months old. I have a playlist on my Spotify that I connect to it and it plays Piano music for him while he sleeps
comfort items - each of our kids uses a blanket and they love theirs so much! I find them having a comfort item helps keep them soothed at bed and nap time
a pillow - Mason and Lily both have a pillow and started using one after they turned 1. We use the Robot and Dino pillows and love them! They are the perfect size for kids. We found this made a huge difference especially in Mason's sleep.
I think the best routine we got Mason and Violet into was falling asleep in their crib on their own. It's something we started early on and they both became accustomed to very early and easily to and it has benefited us a lot moving forward. Not having to rock and soothe 3 kids to sleep gives us that extra break we need if someone is fussy or needs extra attention at bedtime
Staggered bedtimes -- our routine is usually like this
1) Bath Violet get her dressed fed and into her bed. She usually falls asleep while we are getting Mason and Lily to bed.
2) Bath Mason and Lily and get them dressed and ready for bed. We do book and quiet time in mine and Chris' room and they both go to bed at the same time. This way neither of them feels like the other is getting extra awake time and its fair to both of them.
But most importantly I think what's helped us is just going with the flow and trying to embrace each day separately. It doesn't always go as planned because like I said they are still growing and changing and need different things. So we have to learn to adapt with them instead of push against it.
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